1. If an alien arrived on earth in my Yard at 7:45am

    Have you ever worried that you might be the first point of contact for an alien race that just landed on earth? I ponder this question a lot, mostly between the hours of 7am and 5pm… you know, when I have the most time to waste.

    I think the primary concern of any responsible human-being that considers this weighty responsibility might be ensuring that the alien doesn’t get the wrong idea about the human race.

    After-all, there’s nothing worse that tipping off an advanced alien life-form that just landed on your planet to the fact that your entire specie might not be playing with a full deck.

    I was considering this at 7:45 in the morning as I stood in my yard, a plastic bag over my hand, cheering on my Great Dane, as he heaved out his daily 2 lb bowel movement onto my yard.

    As first impressions go, this isn’t going to be a good one.

    If you landed on a new planet, only to be greeted by a guy holding onto the leash of a giant dog taking a dump, and then saw the man pick up the dog’s feces in a bag, pat the dog, and then horde the feces away in a container — I think you’d have a hard time trying to determine which is the dominant specie.

    I doubt they’d pick us.